Why Kankri Can't Visit Cronus
by triple baka
Summary: Or Why Kankri Isn't Allowed to Read Porn. Porrim makes Kankri a swimsuit for Cronus's party, and it ends with a rather awkward situation. NOTE- this version is the "humorous" version, and no m-rated scenes are included in this version. A version WITH those will be uploaded at a later date


"C'mon Kankri, what's life without a little fun?" Porrim asked, leaning against the door. Kankri eyed the article of clothing in his hands-a black speedo, and glared at his friend.

"My life. Now, I refuse to wear this...THING" Kankri nearly spat out his words, clutching the fabric. Porrim snickered, shaking her head.

"Cronus's party is in a matter of hours and you are going in that water, Kankri Vantas. If I have to throw you in myself, you ARE going into the water. Now, put on your swim trunks and lets go". And with that, Porrim excused herself from his room, leaving the red-blooded troll alone.

He looked at the swimming trunks before sighing, and changing into them. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, frowning. "Why do they show so much skin? They're less than underwear! PORRIM I AM NOT WEARING THIS! IT COULD BE TRIGGERING TO SOME DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF SKIN IT SHOWS! PORRIM!" He hollered, growing more and more frustrated with the article of clothing barely covering his more intimate parts. He heard Porrim snicker once more from the other side of the door, but no answer from his jade-blooded friend. Knowing that she would keep true to her threat, he gulped and exited the room, glaring at his now hysterical friend.

"I will get you back Porrim. This will not go unnoted!"

"Yeah, yeah, Kankri. Let's just go"

Porrim walked to the sand, joining the rest of her friends near the water. Kankri, on the other hand, remained frozen. He looked down at his bare legs, pulling down on the revealing fabric around his groin. Sighing in defeat, he pulled his sweater back on, confident that it covered most, if not all, of the agitating fabric.

However, his friends noticed. Especially a certain violet-blooded troll named Cronus Ampora. Once he saw Kankri's bare legs, he couldn't help from staring. _Wow _Cronus thought, letting his gaze rest on Kankri's pale limbs. _He's actually kind of... attractive? Though... Why isn't he wearing any pants? _

Kankri caught Cronus's puzzled expression, and approached him, still pulling his sweater down. "Hello, Cronus. You seem quite puzzled at the moment. Is something the matter?" He asked, taking a seat next to the older troll. Cronus shook his head, smirking. _I might as well have fun with this. Doubt he plans on staying long anyway_

"Well, Kan, I was wondering where your pants went."

Kankri couldn't believe what Cronus said. He felt his face flush and quickly stood up and walked away, leaving a very confused Cronus behind on the sand.

A few hours from sunrise, Kankri yawned, feeling himself grow tired. He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes, letting out another yawn. Cronus, seeing his friend struggling to stay awake, walked over to the tired troll.

"Hey Chief. You sleepy?"

Kankri glared at Cronus, and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I think that's painfully obvious, Cronus. I think I'm going to go start my walk home, actually..."

Cronus frowned and shook his head. "I don't want ya walking home alone, Kankri. And Porrim seems a bit too preoccupied to go with 'ya. Why don't ya go sleep in my hive?"

Kankri blinked, a bit shocked the sea-dweller would offer. He hesitated, weighing the pros and cons in his head. After a couple seconds of inward debate, and deciding his tiredness was more than enough to convince him this was a good idea, he nodded, following Cronus to his hive.

Kankri couldn't help but stare at the beautifully decorated interior of his high-blooded friends hive. Posters of many different human actors and actresses adorned the walls, along with various movie props and memorabilia. Kankri couldn't help but smile as he watched one of his closer friends lead him up the stairs to a small bedroom.

"Sorry there ain't no recuperacoon, chief. I prefer human beds... But I could go talk to a neighbor or-" He began. Before he could finish, Kankri cut him off with a wave.

"No need to worry, Cronus. I will be just fine here. Could you please tell Porrim where I am?"

Cronus nodded, his face up turning into a small smile. "'Course Kan. I'll wake ya up when she wants to leave" With that, Cronus walked out of the room, flicking off the light, and leaving Kankri alone in the dark, unfamiliar room.

He waited for sleep to overtake him, and realized that it was too early for him to sleep peacefully. With a moan of protest, he stood up and stretched, before turning the light back on. He took a moment to look around- he saw the various leather jackets hanging in frames on Cronus's walls, and even more of the various posters littering the room's plain, white walls. He noticed a small bookshelf by the left side of the bed, and decided to take a look at the various readings his friend enjoyed.

He noticed instantly that almost all of the books were written by various humans. Some titles, such as _Harry Potter _and _The Outsiders _were troll classics as well, but upon closer inspection. Kankri noticed some differences between the books he knew as a young wriggler and of the ones resting on Cronus's shelf. He set the final book he had thumbed through down, before noticing a small stack of magazines at the bottom of the shelf. He picked one up and immediately tossed it to the ground appalled.

On the cover was a naked human woman.

_Kankri Vantas, get ahold of yourself! _His inner conscience yelled at his awake self. _It's just a magazine! There is NOTHING in that book that you do not already know! You've done your research on humans, and know full well of the differences between human and troll intercorse and genetalia! So pick that book up and put it back where it belongs! _

Kankri sighed, rubbing his temples. He slowly picked the book up and decided, against what he knew was right, to look through it and see if he could... learn a few things from the magazine.

"Best masturbation tips...? Hm..." He flipped the pages to the article on the cover page. He knew the general concept of self-pleasure, but as he read the article, he decided there were quite a few things that he didn't know about his own body, even though the article was meant for human males.

KANKRI USED HIS HANDS TO DO THE THING

Kankri looked at his hands embarrassed. _What did I just do?! This is against my vow! What I just did makes me such a hypocrite! I can't tell others to abstain from intercourse when I had intercourse WITH MYSELF! I'm such a- _

He realized then that he made a mess of Cronus's sheets. Spots of red littered the sheets and he jumped up, freaking out over the now red-stained sheets. He then noticed his stained hands. Shaking in partial fear of being caught in his friends room covered in his own filth, he tried to scrub the red from his hands. He sighed, realizing now that his hands were stained now for a while.

He snuck outside and ran to the pile of clothing long since discarded by his friends now occupying the water. He fished through the pile until he found Porrim's gloves, only to turn around right into said jade-blood.

"Kankri, what are you doing with my gloves?" Porrim asked, putting a hand on her hip. Kankri sighed, knowing before even fighting that he had lost this fight.

He held out his hands and felt his face flush, whispering "I may or may not have done something in Cronus's bed and i need help getting stains out but didn't want anyone to see my hands..."

Porrim covered her face with her hands laughing. "Go fill a pail with some sand and bring it to his room. I know a few tricks to get stains out with it quickly. Now, go go go!" She shooed him away and Kankri ran quickly, hesitating before touching the plastic bucket. He squinted his eyes shut and poured sand into the bucket before running back to Cronus's hive.

Cronus noticed Kankri's frantic behavior, and watched the shorter troll head back toward his own hive. _Thought he wanted to sleep... _Cronus thought confused. He waited for Kankri to stop and speak with Porrim, before returning to his own bedroom.

The first thing Cronus noticed was the pale red stains on his sheets. Noticing the magazine next to the bed, it clicked in his brain. _Fuck, Kan got off on my bed. That's... kind of hot? I think it's a bit more on the creepy side though..._

"Porrim hurry up before-" Kankri began, running quickly into Cronus's room. Cronus turned to look at his mutant friend, causing Kankri's face to become almost pure red.

"You got off on my bed?" Cronus asked, raising an eyebrow to look at the younger troll. Kankri looked to the ground, beyond embarrassed, unable to find the words to speak.

"I... Might have... " he stated slowly, keeping his gaze averted from Cronus's. The room fell into a tense silence, until Porrim opened the door. She saw the stains on the bed and noticed Kankri's flushed face, and couldn't help but laugh at how embarrassed he was.

"Well, Kankri. I think I should leave you two alone now. Seems like things are getting a bit heated". Without pausing to notice either of their reactions, Porrim left Cronus's hive with a knowing smirk on her face.

Cronus was the first to speak. "I... think you should go... The sun's going to rise soon..."

Kankri shook his head. "Porrim would never let me stay with her, and i don't think i have time to get back to my own hive tonight..."

"Well, you can stay here then.. Just... Let me get you some clean sheets, ok?" With that, Cronus walked out of the room, leaving the young troll alone. Kankri sighed and started to clean up the room, near tears. _I've never been this embarassed! _

Cronus soon returned carrying fresh sheets, and helped Kankri change the soiled ones. Kankri sighed, folding the stained sheet. "Listen, Cronus... I'm terribly sorry about what happened. If theres anything I can do to make up for my embarrassing mistake, please, let me know..."

Cronus smiled at Kankri, waving it off. "Listen, Kan. I don't really care. Just next time don't do that in my bed? I mean, 'less you're interested in me like that"

Kankri's eyes widened at the simple thought of being in a relationship with Cronus. He tried to pull the hem of his sweater up, only to see Cronus inches from his face.

"So, you _are _interested, aren't you, Kan?"

"No" and he leaves THE FUCKING END

A/N: I am Kankri but I write A WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF PORN.


End file.
